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更新时间：2023-12-15 08:28:58 发布时间：24小时内 作者：文/会员上传 下载docx 收藏
2025-01-13 13:21:59
2024-12-27 13:37:18
2025-01-26 10:24:02
2025-02-03 08:37:13
2025-02-01 09:41:35
雅思小伦哥#雅思写作批改服务
雅思小伦哥#雅思提分月计划课程
A heated issue is still under discussion（避免开头段模版） whether parents or teachers should take the responsibility to give children lessons regarding（固定搭配on/in） being good members in society. While parenting makes a lifelong impact on children,（开头段避免提出下文不重点讨论的观点） I maintain that school is even（不需要使用even比较与强调） more ideal for the socialization.
（插入不定冠词A）School （a）boasts a society-like environment and the （b）special training that turns students into qualified citizens. Firstly, school and society have much in common in terms of community-centered life（语言啰嗦，both school and socity are community-centred）, creating suitable conditions for instruction. Secondly, teachers, the educational professionals can function (人不是物品，建议用perform) as effective guides by（固定搭配in） leading students to right directions in related affairs（避免使用类似中式英语以及不准确的表达）, which contributes to their sound development.（leading与contribute to重复，建议句子合并，...and sound development.） Finally, it is true of students that (it is true that一般用在让步段) school shapes them with opportunities and challenges just like in society.（这个理由属于分论点的a观点，，应该与firstly内容一起讨论，不建议拆开） For example, relationship crises push the learners to work out the peer problems, from which they can learn to deal with interpersonal relations.
Parents, however, show limited advantages in this regard. As the old adage says that parents are children’s first teachers, parents（run-on sentence） turn out to be（turn out是结果的意思，这里应该用are） lively（避免中式英语，这里建议用good） examples for young learners. They can gain refreshing（避免中式英语，refreshing的意思是提神的、凉爽的） ideas from their parents’ life experiences（此处让步段在逻辑上不够扣题，这里并没有强调从家长身上学什么）. But a fact cannot be neglected （缺少谓语，插入is） that parents have difficulty in providing their children with proper surroundings similar to society, giving rise to their failures in socialization-oriented education.（这个理由与上一段内容重复，建议更换） Parents tell anything they consider valuable to children, intending to give life lessons（逻辑跳跃，让步论证再上一处but已结束，不需要再次重复让步） but it meets with predictable ignorance due to a lack of direct connections at home. （这句话在逻辑上并没有解释反驳句，仅仅是在重复）
（建议补充一个实质性的支持理由）
In conclusion, children can enjoy education to be citizens who fit society in school with favorable foundations.（避免在结尾段提出新的概念，文章并没有讨论学校的foundations）
作文得分：任务回应与完成：4分
语言连贯与衔接：6分
词汇丰富程度：5分
语法多样与准确：6分
综合评分：分
往期精彩文章回顾
题目：As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work， job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
考官范文：
Nowadays many adults have full-time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent doing such jobs is very high. So feelings about one’s job must reflect how an individual feels about his or her life as a whole， and because of this， job satisfaction is indeed very important for the wellbeing of that person.
Employees get job satisfaction in a number of ways. Firstly， a person needs to feel that they are doing valued and valuable work， so positive feedback from superiors is very important in this respect. A sense of fulfillment is also encouraged if a worker feels the job is worth doing because it contributes to the society or the economy as a whole. Secondly， when someone feels they are improving or developing their skills through training opportunities， for example， then there is a sense of progression and purpose that rewards a worker. The sense of belonging to a team or a working community also contributes to job satisfaction because colleagues help each other to enjoy their working lives. Satisfaction is also increased by a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team.
Of course not everyone enjoys their work. Hard economic realities mean that many people have little choice in the kind of job they can get. In some cases an employee is working in a job that suits neither their skills nor their personality. Some jobs are repetitive and boring， and labour relations may be poor and lead to resentment and insecurity rather than to job satisfaction.
However， even though it is unlikely that all workers do feel happy in their work， I think it is not unrealistic to promote more job satisfaction in any job. If the factors identified above are implemented， then any job can be improved and more workers can feel greater degrees of job satisfaction.
范文分析：
1、文章结构：结构
一般说来，在段落之间，没有特别的连接词，暗指后面一段在支持前面一段的主题句。
段落之间的关联词：
在第3段的段首，考官使用Of course， 表示切换话题。这个词可以理解为“然而”。
在第4段的段首，考官使用了However， 展示本段是上一段的转折，即论证的补充。这个词组可以理解为“尽管如此”
一般说来，在一个段落内的句子之间，没有特别的连接词，暗指后面一句在支持主题句。
段落中的路标词：在第1段中，考官使用了So来突出主题句。这个词可以理解为“总之”。
2、语法
这篇考官范文在句式上最经典之处就是充分利用了英文的“状语从句”，几乎所有的状语从句在这篇文章中都很好地体现出来了。
全文使用的长难句型如下：
If…， then…（条件状语）
because(原因状语)
… if … because ….（条件状语 + 原因状语）
When…，then…（时间状语）
…， so…（结果状语）
Even though…,…（让步状语）
I think it is not unrealistic to…（我觉得这件事并非不真实……双重否定表示肯定）
…， and…（并列句）
neither…nor…（否定并列句）
以上就是小站整理的考官版雅思写作满分范文，希望这篇文章可以帮助到大家。
1、雅思作文要求写好内容
雅思写作要求有三种：一种是写清一篇作文，一种是写整体，一种是要求内容具体。写作时，一旦作文题目中有话可写，那么就不能脱离作文要求的范围。
2、作文内容要真实。要写出一篇文言文，不仅要求内容具体，要求材料真实，还要求语言简洁。
3、作文时要有新意。
4、作文时要求内容真实。
5、作文要求内容具体。
6、作文内容要真实。
7、语言简洁，内容充实。
8、作文要求严格。
9、作文要求严格。
10、作文要求严格。
11、作文内容要求严明。
12、作文标准要求要准确。
13、作文内容要简洁。
14、作文评语要真实。
15、作文不能过分追求标准。
16、作文要求简明。
17、作文标准要求清楚。
18、作文要求标准。
100%的人对雅思作文产生了浓厚的兴趣。在雅思作文教学中，我也采用了多样化的方式，采用多种方式来激发学生的兴趣，让学生有更多的时间来阅读雅思作文作文。通过这几次的教学，我发现了一些问题，我认为最关键的问题是：
一、学生的阅读习惯还没有养成。
学生的阅读习惯，是由不同学生的阅读习惯造成的。
二、作文教学的对象还不够。
三、学生在写作文中有一个很重要的问题，就是写作文的时候学生很容易把握不准位子，写作文时，学生的思路不够清晰。
四、作文教学的对象没有形成良好的教学风气。
五、学生的阅读习惯没有养成。
六、作文教学有时还是没有达到规定的写作要求。
以上是我在这学期的教学情况，希望以后的教学能够得到进一步的完善，希望以后的作文教学能够做到更好，希望学生能够学有所成。
As a result of constant media attention, sports professionals in my country have become stars and celebrities, and those at the top are paid huge salaries. Just like movie stars, they live with huge houses and cars.
Many people find their rewards unfair, especially when comparing these super salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists, or even leading politicians who have the responsibilityof governing the country. However, sports salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes, or the level of responsibility he or she holds. Instead, they reflect the public popularity of sport in general and the level of public support that successful stars can generate. So the notion of ‘fairness’ is not the issue.
Those who feel that sports stars’ salaries are justified might argue that the number of professionals with real talent are very few, and the money is a recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant and a player is tested every time they perform. in their relatively short career. The pressure from the media is intense and there is little privacy out of the spotlight. So all of thesefactors may justify the huge earnings.
Personally, I think that the amount of money such sports stars make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie stars, but at the same time, it indicatesthat our society places more value on sport than on more essential professions and achievements.
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